The Daily Blade, Volume 1, Issue 99
DANGER! DANGER THORN ROBINSON!
Finally, the Blade has come to issue 99. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow. Hopefully, Locke and Malice with have grand new articles for the fun-filled, ever-fantastic newsletter called the Washington Post. If said newsletter does not accept their articles, I will print them in this one. Actually, the Washington Post is full of real articles, unlike this that consist of stuff you would never find outside of a Wizard publication. Oh, read Toyfare.
B-I-N-G-O AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O
Well, this is just something I was thinking of, you know, like how Steven Hawkin thinks, only he makes sense. I wish I was smart.
*Clap* I-N-G-O, *Clap* I-N-G-O, *Clap* I-N-G-Odude, and pokemon's the game-O! Anyway...
LOCKE AND KEY
Hello all you happy people. I knew that about the remix, I just
thought it would be funny. But seriously, I'm gonna' teach myself
guitar and when I actually get good, I'll write some songs.
Parodies, of course. Maybe even record them and send 'em out to you
nice little people with big heads. They'll suck, but...you like 'em,
right? RIGHT? Oh, also...I might have a new reader soon. Eat that,
tommyb! AHAHAHAHAH! Er...Anyway, Ciao!
EDITOR'S NOTE: His name is Malice. I think you are just making excuses for the remix thing.
LOCKE'S LOOK IN THE GAMING WORLD
Today's game is invisible. You play as an invisible guy who leads an
invisible life. The graphics bite. The storyline bites. The
controls...Well...There aren't any.
Rating-- 0, What else? It doesn't exist.
THE DAILY BLADE POEM
I'm now reading The Daily Blade,
It sucks so bad that I'm gonna' get spayed.
The editors are boring and the readers don't care,
So I think I'm gonna' jump into a big pit of pears.
I wish I knew what this was about,
Cause then I could run down the street naked and shout:
"Read The Blade! Read the Blade!"
"It'll make you all hairy and we'll pay you in jade."
By: Editor Locke
aka Captain Kookie
RANDOM MATTER.
-Tattoodles is an actual doll, but you'd think I made it up.
-Kingler evolves from Krabby.
-We must think of our fellow man.
-And lend him a helping hand.
-Put a little love in your heart... with love blood.
Song of the Day.
"Really Expensive Boots" by the Treasure Hunters.
Here's the lovely chorus to this delightful song. "I will let you shine my boots, but tell me what I have to pay. These are really expensive boots, you got to rub them the right way. I will let you shine my boots if it doesn't take all day. Just do a good job and hurry, then I'll go away." This is a parody of Christina Aguilera's song "Genie in a bottle." I'll stop the insanity now.
Eight-Ball Mayhem.
I heard Locke mumbling about a new subscriber. Is this true?
Signs point to yes.
52-TWENTY
Does anyone remember that time I tried to get online with a dead fish? It was really hard and time consuming. Word to the wise. Don't try to get online with a deasd fish. Chances are, the seagulls will attack you and then you'll have to eat spiders and amputated arms and legs for the next twenty days.
Trivia Time.
Subject: COLUMNS.... in the daily blade...
1. What columns are leaving after tomorrow?
2. What columns have never left?
3. How many people are subscribed to this? (Not a column question but who cares.)
4. How many calories are in a York Peppermint Patty?
Answers... because it is really late.
1. T.T.... 52-TWENTY... TOP TEN AND WORST FIVE... oh, you know I'm joking. The first two at one point were the only things keeping this alive, not to mention Trivia Time has been the heart and soul of this newsletter since day 1.
2. T.T., then 52-TWENTY once it was signed. Check It Out hasn't left technically.
3. Uh... I think Nine. Yeah! It's rising. Need Blade Website to post old issues.
4. Umm... I don't know... 12?
Begin typing here.....