The Daily Blade, Volume 1, Issue 76
SEMI-DERIVED...
Okay. I though I had it made. When the Blade made a wonderous return, it was going to be fun, thrilling and profitable minus the profits. Now I can't even get the thing out. While I do have Locke's new stuff, It's going to be sent out in issue 77. I messed up on this issue and I'm sorry guys. Why can't I do anything right? Britney will comfort me....
VOWEL GROUPS.
Today we shall focus on a topic I know you all know and love. Who doesn't love vowels? They are the building blocks of any word ever thought of. Have you ever thought of some words without vowels? I mean, they are the stupidest looking things when you take the vowels out. Here are a few: Rabbit= Rbbt, Flower= Flwr, Water, the building block of life= Wtr, th bldng blck f lf. See what I mean? Could you imagine a world without A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? OH GOD!!! IT'S WORSE THAN A WORLD WITHOUT ZINC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRIUMPHANTLY!!!!!
The Queen has return from her three month vacation in the swiss alps. She seemed to find the chocolate shops easily, gaining pound after pound of fatty fat fat fat. Her cats fell off the slopes to their doom. It was sad to see them go, but the Queen had them stuff and placed on her mantle next to her chocolate version on Candy Land. Too bad her return wasn't the happiest. Now she's asked to be off the Blade forever.
DID YOU NOTICE... Video Games...
Did you notice...
-Most of the time your guy never talks? Is he mute, stupid, or is it something more? This happens in a lot of games.
-In Secret of Mana, the computer controlled characters always manage to get stuck behind every obstacle?
-In ChronoTrigger, even though Lucca hits enemies with her hammer at close range, she still does the same as if she shot them?
-If you say no to something, they ask you to reconsider?
-If you say no again, they just repeat themselves until you say yes?
SONG OF THE DAY.
"If You Were A Woman(And I Was A Man)" By Bonnie Tyler.
Yes, the title is... disturbing, but the song has a good tune and an even better meaning. It clearly boasts that if two people were to switch positions in a relationship, it wouldn't be hard to understand each other. Here's the chorus lyrics:
If you were a woman, and I was a man,
Would it be so hard to understand
That a heart's a heart, and we do what we can?
If you were a woman and I was a man.
EIGHT BALL MAYHAM!!!!!!
Why was there no Eight Ball question in issue 74?
Outlook not so good. I forgot about it okay? Doesn't anyone have a question for this column?
52-TWENTY
Take a look at Dr. Geno's world of fun. With this you will experiment with the making of a nuclear bomb, carbon dioxide canister that holds milk, candy shoelaces, and the ever favorite, Foxy Boxy's glow-in-the-dark fruit car bonaza shooter racers! Order now, and recieve this limited edition special one of a kind limited quantity t-shirt I got out pof a dumpster behind Wal-Mart! I swear, that smell is supposed to be on it! Be the first to order and you'll get this shirt! The second to order will get this milkshake with a dead rat in it! Third gets a run-over hot apple pie from McDonalds! (fries not included. No substitutions exchanges or refunds.)
BLADE SURVEY RESULTS!
Christina Aguilera= 1 vote.
Britney Spears= 1 vote.
The Winner: Britney Spears by default! It IS my newsletter...
Trivia Time!
Subject: The Simpsons. Has anyone tired of this subject?
1. According to homer, what are the two sweetest words in the english language?
2. When Homer is trimming the hedges and cuts off Marge's hair, how does he put it back on?
3. When Bart injures himself and has to sit in his room all summer, what injury does he have?
4. What does Bart "construct" when he's in his room?
5. Who is the one person that thinks Homer didn't shoot Mr. Burns?
6. What is one of the two things Bart offers as a trade to Milhouse while Milhouse is kissing his girlfriend?
7. When Milhouse chews the gum in Krusty's new trading card series, what happens to him?
8. What series is the cards in?
9. What's wrong with the Krusty doll Bart gets for his birthday?
10. Who are Bart's two mortal enemies?
Answers.
1. De Fault! It is actually one word, but it's Homer.
2. Homer sticks a tree branch in her hair and sticks the cut off part on top of it.
3. He breaks his leg.
4. A play.
5. Lisa.
6. An old baseball card in horrible shape and a picture of Homer on the couch.
7. He cuts his cheek.
8. The long-awaited eigth series.
9. It was set on evil.
10. Sideshow Bob and Dr. Demento.