The Daily Blade, Volume 1, Issue 71

FOR THE LOVE OF FROZEN DELI TREATS!

In our top story today, many floods entrapped the people of New Jersey and refused to allow them passage the other side of the river. "You can't control our lives." said a stupid man moments before being swept away by hydrogen and oxygen bonds. Another profoundly stated "We will cross, or choke this river with our dead." He too was taken by the awesome power of hydrogen dioxide. The flood waters subsided when a giant sponge battled the liguid death to its doom. For more on this story, check out the poem below.

ALL FOR THE WANT OF A SANDBAG

For want of a sandbag,
A floodgate was lost.
For want of a floodgate,
A river was lost.
For want of a river,
Some excess land was lost.
For want of excess land,
A tree was lost.
For want of a tree,
some sunlight was lost.
For want of some sunlight,
A raindrop was lost.
For want of a raindrop,
A flower was lost.
For want of a flower,
Some sand was lost.
For want of some sand,
A sandbag was lost.

Now you must ask yourself "Do I have an extra sandbag in case I get flooded in?"

8-Ball Mayhem!

If I take a paper plate, cut two eyeholes in it, paint it really dumb-like, put a strap on it, and then wear the finished product, can I call it a mask?

My sources say no. If strap a plate to your head, what does this mean? You're really hungry and you're trying to get attention, or it's okay for people to eat your head? Well, don't think I'm that hungry or stupid.

Episodes of the Blade!

Episode 35.

At last, the team finds Blade hiding among the bushes outside headquarters. The team inquires upon why he was there, and blade informed them of a battle for too strange to fight. Blade restores Locke's fortune, and Malice returns back to the shadows to take on a more menacing role. Witt shaves his head and then leaves the team to be an all-star javelinist at the Olympics. Pondering on that random moment, the team is blindsided by Jashua Jackson and his lust for blood. Everytime he's on air on "Dawnson's Creek" the ratings drop, so he faces the chances of being fired. Will the team overcome a movie star's powers? Is there any hope for this battle Blade spoke about? Does the price of gas really take three months to go down? Find out soon.

52-TWENTY

Every year a rain forest in brazil is destroyed. I'm sure a lot more than that occurs, but who's counting? I mean, with modern science, we could just process woodchips into sheets of wood, and while they aren't too efficient, they will save rainforests everywhere. I would call this pliable wood crapboard and use it on the floors of low-income housing, those forts you can buy for children, repairing the Statue of Liberty, serving trays at Wendy's, and the list goes on and on. What couldn't I do with them? Oh the things I could do with them... You wouldn't believe the things I could do with them. Just think, I'd be the one to end world hungry, cure all diseases, climb to the moon, float to Gilligan's Island to save the castaways, revive the popular TV series "Welcome Back, Kotter." I would be a god almost. Tiome to break out my wax supplies... excellent.

Trivia Time.

Subject: Music

1. Who wishes they could "tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too?"
2. Who asks to meet him halfway, across the sky?
3. What really did kill the radio star?
4. According to him, she's so high. I think it's cocaine...
5. Who's "gonna fly on down for the last stop to this town?"
6. It "sucks to be" who?
7. She doesn't need the hurt and she don't need the pain.
8. Someone makes her so crazy, she can't sleep. She gets so excited, she's in too deep.
9. Rub her the right way, if you know what I mean.
10. Even though Brian carries them, they still want it that way.

Answers

1. TLC (Unpretty)
2. Kenny Loggins (Meet Me Halfway)
3. Video, according to the Buggles (Video Killed the Radio Star)
4. Tal Bachman (She's SO High)
5. Eels (LAst Stop: This Town)
6. Prozzak or you, I'll take both (Sucks to be You)
7. Jennifer Lopez (If You Had My Love)
8. Britney Spears (Crazy) Who does she drive crazy? What male doesn't she?
9. Cristina Aguilera (Genie in a Bottle)
10. The Backstreet Boys (I Want It That Way)