The Daily Blade, Volume 1, Issue 56

GONE IS HAPPINESS, NOW EAT COOKIE.

Ever wonder who thinks of those stupid fortunes in fortune cookies? I'll confess now, it was not me. But really, I open up one and it say "You long to see the pyramids." No, I don't. "The sun smiles upon every good deed you do." Because I'm such an angel, lets pray that he uses Crest on dem pearly whites. "Happiness will follow wherever you go." I guess it can't keep up with me. "Someone close to you has a deep feeling towards you." I turn and look. My brother is next to me. Okay, so I've never seen the last one, but all the others I have come across. These things are so stupid, they should be banned from all but the lamest of resturants, or have I gone so cheap I only eat at the lamest of resturants? Well, I'll just read my cookie. "You will eat cheap food and die of eboli." Well, that's comforting.

POTATOE OR POTATO?

Well, it's one of them lifelong mysteries like "Why do hotdogs come in packages of ten, but buns in packages of eight?" I blame the consumer goods gods for this. You know, that was also a question on Square One one time. Someone wanted to notice how many of each he would have to buy to come out evenly. Someone first said "You need a total of eighty each." But then someone, obviously smart, came along and said "No, you only need forty of each." The man was surely happy; he bought forty and had a party inviting all of his friends.

Check It Out!

Gotta catch 'em all! Yes, can you catch all 150 poke'mon? I've tried and failed then had my game glitch on me. Yay! Well, even so, you must have both copies of the game to even get them all. This is just another marketing scheme portrayed by the consumer goods gods, even though I know this isn't their field.
Rating- 4.

52-TWENTY

Wherefore art though "52-TWENTY?" Good question. When I decided the Blade needed a change(again), I had to come up with columns(not that lame Sega Tetris rip-off) that captivated interest among all. I had my Answer Box(which I wanted so much to work out) The Week's Thought(practicly stupid in every way), Check it out!(success!), and then I needed something for stories with no point, even though the daily stories don't have a point. Well, I thought and thought for a name then suddenly *pop* I was hit in the head by flying chairs and the Gods' coat of arms from Rygar. It hurt, but that's how I got my idea. Well, that or it just came to me in a psychosomatic dream. I don't know.

Trivia Time.

Subject: A Simpson's day out.

1. What does Homer steal from Selma and Troy's wedding cake?
2. What does he do with it?
3. What item does Marge not want to purchase from "Stoner's Pot Palace?"
4. Why doesn't she?
5. What does Marge first want Lisa to do when Lisa plays her sax while Marge is fantasizing?
6. What lead Marge to her fear of flying?
7. What does Allison's dad give Lisa to play with?
8. Who steals all the teacher's editions?
9. What state does Lisa go as in her pageant?
10. Does she win anything for her costume?

The Answers when we return.

Okay, I'm back. Hmm... maybe I shouldn't have typed that.

1. The "candy" bride and groom.
2. He eats its. He then says "Mmm... Pointy."
3. An oyster mallet.
4. It's made in America.
5. She tells Lisa "Stop blowing my sex." She then corrects herself.
6. Her father was a stewardist.
7. A ball.
8. Lisa.
9. She goes as a pile of rubber with an orange taped to her known as Florida.
10. Yes. Her and Ralph win the award for "absolutly no help from their parents." BONUS! What does Ralph's costume look like? It's a piece of paper that says "Idaho."