The Daily Blade, Volume 1, Issue 3
SMART SHOPPER EATS POTATOES AND STRETCHES RUBBER DOLLAR.
Do you want to see your dollar stretch oh so far? The place for you to shop is Price Mart. Guaranteed low prices are bound to be found. Name brand foods are found inexpensive and of top notch quality. For more information call 1-900-yummygoods.
GAS LEAK LEADS TO OPEN VENTILATION.
A gas leak has led some to believe ventilation is the key to a new future. Vent gas in your home twice a day to relieve yourself and friends from unnatural passing. For the sake of humanity, PLEASE!
CAT WALKS ON FIRE FOR KICKS.
Neutered cat Navel Orange needed a boost today, so he attempted to walk across a smoldering fire pit. The final result was paws of ash.
TRIVIA TIME TOO HARD FOR GIRL.
Trivia Time was stated at too hard by a reader of the Daily Blade. The subjects were not widescale and lacked interest. Sources say the woman was just dumb and trying to cover up her ignorance.
WONDERBRA... NO LONGER A WONDER.
What is a wonderbra composed of? Sod and Iron filings. Surgeon General warning: Stear clear of magnets.
WOMAN DRIVEN CRAZY BY SQUIRRELL.
A squirrell droze a woman nuts today when he would not allow her any of his Honey Nut Clusters. The cab driver was unaware of her problem and continued to take the squirrell to Jupiter Hollow Nut Farm.
Trivia Time!
Subject: Television Commercials, old and new.
1. What did the Keebler elves make that was "Oboisterous"?
2. What helps you get your ZZZs?
3. For lunches or a snack, what's the best thing in our pack?
4. What is the name of the Arbor Day robin?
5. Why is McGruff never hungry?
6. What does the silly rabbit never get?
7. How many magically delicious marshmallows are there?
8. What soap has "Pumace Power"?
9. What is the pottery that grows?
10. What can you clap on and off?
11. What is the rythm of life with a powerful beat?
12. What is that crazy craving some kids get hit with?
13. What has "Bite"?
14. What fine-feathered friend helps in the bathroom?
15. What's "Just for the taste of it"?
Answers.
1. Oboises. Potatoe chip with the skin still on them.
2. Nytol.
3. Sunbeam bread. YUM!
4. Carly.
5. He's always taking a bite out of crime.
6. Trix. Watermelon shapes? How lame is that? It looks soooo nasty.
7. Eight, unless there's a special new one for a limited time.
8. Lava soap.
9. Chia Pets.
10. The Clapper.
11. Glidden paint.
12. Honeycomb.
13. Barq's root beer.
14. Bathroom Duck, or Toilet Duck.
15. Diet Coke.