The Daily Blade, Volume 1, Issue 14
QUEEN MISSING, YET AGAIN.
The Queen is gone, for now. She disappeared with two cats, a muffin
(bran or something), and one lily she planned on planting in her garden
next to her morning glories. No one knows why she left and why she took
the items she so chose. No one also stopped to think she could have been
abducted. Oh well, tis her loss, not mine.
QUEEN FOUND..........AGAIN.
The Queen was found drunk, stumbling around a small coffee shop today.
She wanted a boost, a pick-me-up, or some bagels to help get her through
the cold season, or to calm her chest pains she was having, or getting
ready to have (someone was getting ready to shoot her, that poor
misdirected soul). Her cats ate the muffin and it made them sick. They
had the runs for a while (it WAS bran), not unlike someone I know.
Anyway, she was questioned about the lily when she was sober. It was
revealed she thought it was a fairy sent to grant her seven wishes and
make a couple dozen shoes for her. She then killed the "Flower fairy"
when it wouldn't respond to her. A tragic death. May we have a moment of
silence for the fairy... I mean flower.
SILENCE FOUND BORING.
HEADLINE WITH NO STORY MAKES ME BORING.
HERE IS A STORY...... AND IT'S BORING.
One day, I stumbled upon a gold mine filled with copper ions. I wanted
to sell it for 27 pesos to a spanish conquerer in hopes he could find
the true riches held inside. He disagreed and left so I was forced to
sell it for $2,000,000,000 to some poor farmer in Illinois ( he wasn't
poor then, but he is now). With a pocketful of money, what could I do? I
bought me a new fishin pole is what I did. It's pretty and has a plastic
fish tied to it to make it look like I catch a fish every time I cast
it. I can't catch any real fish with it because it's a novelty pole, so
I just buy fish. I also play taps on Tuesday night in hopes of one day
becoming a professional. After flight school, I took a crash course
(punpunpun) in aviation VII + hopamatronics, a class I came up with. I
was supposed to teach it, but I'm too lazy, so I made the Queen teach it
(part of her community service). Now she makes me clean her toilets,
which her cats use daily. I decided I should change my lifestyle and
moved to Vegas, where upon I lost all of my money and phoned home for a
cab. Upon arriving home, I snuggled into my warm bed and then came onto
this new life, which is where I'm at now.
Trivia Time!
Subject: Lyrics.... again.
1. I'm young, I know, but even so, I know a thing or two, I learned from
you.
2. It's late in the evening, she's wondering what clothes to wear. She
puts on her make-up and brushes her long blond hair.
3. Lying in my bed I hear the clock ticking I think of you. Caught up in
circles confusion is nothing new.
4. Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely
while.
5. I will buy you a garden, where your flowers can bloom, I will buy you
a new car, perfect shiney and new.
Answers.
1. "Love Hurts" by Nazareth or Cher. I also heard Roy Orbison sang it,
but I can't find proof.
2. "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton and some country guy resang it.
The former sang it better, I think.
3. "Time After Time" by the one, the only Cyndi Lauper. I Know J resang
it and did a really, really crappy job of it. She sang it waaaaay too
fast.
4. "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers or Everly Brothers. I
always get it confused but I really think it's the Righteous Bros.
5. "I Will Buy You A New Life" by Everclear. I love that song.